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| Rhea Reality in her studio presenting the sports pundit program, "Rhea's Reality Check" |
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| Rhea's Panel of pundits. Clockwise from the top: Olivia "The Sports Cleric" Oman, Damon Fox of Toronto, Jesse Andrade of Atlanta and the evergreen sports matriarch herself, Patsy St. Pierre of Montreal |
November 4, 2022,
17:00 local time,
Electronic Poetry Sports Channel Studio A,
Buffalo, New York, Universal Commonwealth of Sovereign States
“Hello, everyone,” said Rhea Reality- the stage name
of provocative sports reporter Rhea O’Reilly. “Welcome to another
edition of Rhea’s Reality Check. I’m Rhea Reality and… let’s dive in.”
Some dramatic music played before Rhea resumed her opening
remarks.
“If you’re like anyone else still breathing after that wild
Game 7 of the World Series,” she said, “you’re probably still going on about it.
It was so good and so wild we’ll be talking about it for years- there may even
be a few Hollywood movies about it, too.
“I know, some of you are thinking, ‘Rhea, this is overkill.
You devoted yesterday’s show entirely to Game 7. Surely you can’t do it again.’
”
Rhea grinned, wide and devilish.
“Well, lovelies, I can- because it’s my show and I make the rules…but
that’s not why I’m leading off again with Game 7 of the World Series.
“No, today we got this wonderful gem from the Atlanta Dawgs’
designated hitter, ‘Booming’ Bessie Bohmer. It’s more explosive than the
bombs she launches out of the park on a nightly basis. Take a listen.”
Cut to a social-media video from Bohmer, edited for
broadcast.
“I used to think this was raw emotion,” said Bohmer,
standing in her personal gym, drenched in sweat after a workout. “I used to
think Bruce getting into it with our manager was just Bruce going off again.
Don’t get me wrong- I love Bruce, still do- but you saw how volatile he can
get.
“Having said that… I sat here today, crushing my 642-pound
deadlift, and really thought about Game 7 and all the stupidity that happened
within it. Maybe Bruce is too shy to say it, but I’m not.
“Rob threw that Series. I can’t help but think it. Sending
Julian home with two outs and the bases loaded? Who does that? Not challenging
that sure out at home by Bruce? Who cares if we’d run out of challenges- we win
that, that’s the (bleep) World Series!”
She paused to wipe sweat from her brow.
“Honestly, guys… the only explanation that makes sense is that Rob was trying
to lose us the Series- and that hurts more than the loss itself.”
Back to studio.
Rhea looked genuinely shocked.
“You heard it from her, so don’t go around saying I twisted her words. What it
means is that we can go to another edition of The Panel!”
Cue the segment’s signature theme.
“Joining me now,” Rhea announced, “are ‘The Sports
Cleric’ Olivia Oman from Los Angeles, Jesse Andrade from Atlanta, Damon
Fox from Toronto, and everyone’s favourite matriarch, Patsy St. Pierre
from Montreal. Hello, everyone!”
The panelists all greeted her- Patsy, true to form, opened
with a bad joke that earned awkward laughter. A whiteboard behind her read:
‘The World Series shouldn’t be allowed to start past my
bedtime.’
“So,” said Rhea, “let’s get down to business. I’ll just put
it bluntly: did Rob Pembleton really throw the World Series? Olivia, you
first.”
“Absolutely not,” said Olivia, adjusting her distinctive
modified hijab that bared her midriff. “Did Rob’s moves give me pause? Sure.
Was I baffled? Of course…but if we’re accusing Rob of throwing the World
Series, maybe we have to accuse the same of Cash for pulling Snell
early a few years back, or Little for keeping Pedro in all the
way back in 2003. Or- as I’m sure Damon remembers- Davey’s own
cascade of errors that cost Toronto the Series against Vancouver in 2018. So
seriously, Rhea — if Rob Pembleton is guilty of match-fixing, maybe those other
guys are too.”
“Olivia,” said Jesse, the smooth-talking, well-dressed
reporter from Atlanta, “I agree completely, and I’m still not over the pain.
Rob was absurd, but he’s a young guy leading a young team- of course things got
nervy. Bruce’s play was bang-bang, and that carom off the wild pitch? Pure bad
luck. It’s sad, it’s unfortunate, but come on- Rob didn’t throw the Series. I
love Bessie- have ever since she first put on that Dawgs uniform a decade ago-
but that’s her emotions talking.”
“I’m going to be the contrarian here,” said Fox, the blunt,
caustic, unapologetic Toronto pundit. “Bessie’s got a point. We in Toronto know
we got lucky- we had no business winning. Atlanta was objectively better. The
only way the Dawgs lose that Series is if they sabotaged themselves, which they
did. I’m not saying Rob did anything criminal- that’s way out in left field-
but he was a big part of that self-sabotage.”
Then the camera panned to Patsy, the folksy octogenarian
sitting in her Gazette office rocking chair, her Montreal accent thick as ever.
“Olivia,” she began, “you bring up Cash, and Davey, and
Little- well, I was a nine-year-old girl rooting for the Philly Athletics, and Connie
Mack used to do plenty I couldn’t understand. Then Gene Mauch rode
his pitchers into the ground, and I learned managers doing stupid things is
universal. I’m old enough to remember not just Rose or Barry or the trash cans,
but the Black Mist and Spyglass. I still think Bobby’s home run was tainted.
Those were scandals. Rob? He’s just an idiot.”
“All right, folks,” said Rhea, “you’ve all made great points-
but seriously, now that Bessie’s allegation is out there, can we really dismiss
the idea that Rob purposely threw the World Series?”
“Maybe,” said Andrade, “if more rumours emerge and this
thing grows legs, then maybe we take it seriously…but until then, these are
just the remarks of a devastated ballplayer- nothing more.”
“I’ve been around this sport long enough,” said Patsy, “to
know there’s always something funny, always something shady. Honestly? Nothing
would surprise me. I’m not convinced Rob threw the Series… but if it were ever
proven? Colour me not surprised.”
“There you have it,” said Rhea. “Right now, there’s a lot of
smoke- we’ll just have to wait and see if there’s a fire.
“Coming up after the break: Inter Milan allow a
stoppage-time hat trick from Marcus Rashford that lets Manchester United tie it
up. Is Simone Inzaghi’s job safe? We’ll be right back.”
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