Chronicle 25
The messenger arrived shortly after breakfast.
He came from a settlement farther north, accompanied by two
members of his tribe and carrying a small leather pouch.
The Elder listened as the man explained.
One of their hunters had failed to return.
He had last been seen crossing a mountain pass shortly
before an avalanche swept through the region.
The tribe had searched the lower slopes themselves.
They had found broken branches.
Disturbed snow.
A fragment of cloth.
Nothing more.
The missing man might already be dead.
…but nobody knew that.
Until they did...
The search would continue.
The messenger placed the leather pouch before the Elder.
It landed with the unmistakable sound of coin.
The Elder accepted it without counting.
"We will begin immediately."
He looked across the communal hall.
"Rahim."
The medic rose.
"Take Nadeem, Farid and Koresh."
"Bring shovels."
"Ropes."
"The thermal scanner."
"Enough supplies to remain overnight if
necessary."
Rahim nodded.
"We'll need Willow and three other horses."
"Take them."
Several members of the Order immediately stood.
So did Zasaramel.
He had already reached for his cloak when the Elder spoke
again.
"Sit down."
Zas stopped.
For a moment...
He assumed the Elder was speaking to someone else.
Nobody else moved.
Zas looked toward him.
"Elder?"
"You will not accompany them."
Silence settled across the hall.
Rahim glanced toward Zas.
Then wisely looked away.
Zas remained standing.
"The avalanche occurred near the northern pass."
"I heard."
"The terrain will be unstable."
"I know."
"The search party may need someone capable of reading
the secondary
slopes."
"They have someone."
Zas looked toward Rahim.
Rahim offered an apologetic shrug.
"I can read a slope."
Zas ignored him.
He returned his attention to the Elder.
"If the man remains alive, every hour matters."
"Yes."
"Then they should have the strongest possible
party."
"They do."
Zas' expression hardened.
The words struck more deeply than the Elder had probably
intended.
Or perhaps exactly as deeply as he had intended.
Zas slowly lowered his cloak.
"You no longer consider me part of the strongest
possible party."
The Elder regarded him quietly.
Nobody else spoke.
Even Azamat had stopped eating.
Finally, the Elder gestured toward the bench.
"Sit."
Zas remained where he was.
The Elder waited.
Eventually...
Zas sat.
Not happily.
The Elder leaned back in his chair.
"This is not a judgment of your capabilities."
"It sounds like one."
"Then you are hearing what you fear rather than what I
said."
Zas' jaw tightened.
The Elder continued.
"You remain one of the finest warriors the Blue Shield
has ever
produced."
"Your judgment has saved lives."
"Your courage has saved more."
"Nothing that happened in Aetheria changed that."
Zas said nothing.
"Your reality has changed."
The words carried no accusation.
That almost made them worse.
The Elder folded his hands.
"There was a time when you could enter the mountains
believing the risk
belonged only to you."
"It never belonged only to me."
"No."
"...but you behaved as though it did."
Zas looked away.
Across the hall, the search party continued gathering its
equipment as
quietly as possible.
The Elder's voice softened.
"You have children."
"I have always had children."
"You now understand what losing you would do to
them."
Zas' eyes returned to him.
The Elder continued.
"You have a woman half a world away who waits for every
message."
"Who smiles whenever your face appears."
"Who spent your entire mission wondering whether each
conversation
would be the last."
Zas lowered his eyes.
He had already confronted that truth.
In Aetheria.
Beside Eve.
During his conversation with Joanna.
He had spoken the words aloud.
He had admitted that his future no longer belonged only to
him.
Still...
Some part of him had assumed that realization would change
how he felt.
Not what he did.
The Elder watched him carefully.
"You are no longer a young man who can place himself in
unlimited danger
simply because danger needs to be faced."
Zas frowned.
"I am not old."
"I did not say you were old."
"You implied it."
"I said you are no longer young."
"Those are not the same thing."
Azamat looked down at his breakfast.
His shoulders were shaking.
Zas turned toward him.
"Do you find something amusing?"
"No."
"You are laughing."
"I am emotionally coughing."
Rahim covered his mouth.
The Elder ignored them both.
"There comes a point in every warrior's life when
courage must become
more selective."
Zas looked toward the equipment piled near the door.
Ropes.
Shovels.
Medical packs.
The familiar tools of a familiar life.
For most of his years, nobody would have questioned whether
he belonged
beside them.
Least of all Zas himself.
"If this were a combat patrol..."
The Elder interrupted.
"It is not."
"If the search becomes dangerous-"
"It is already dangerous."
"Then they may need me."
"They may."
Zas looked at him sharply.
The Elder remained calm.
"Being needed does not mean you must always be the one
who goes."
The words settled between them.
Zas had no answer.
He looked toward Rahim again.
The medic was checking the straps on his pack.
Nadeem secured the thermal scanner inside a padded case.
Farid inspected the climbing ropes.
Koresh waited near the door.
They were experienced.
Capable.
Prepared.
The Order would continue without Zasaramel walking at the
front of every
patrol.
That should have reassured him.
Instead...
It left him strangely hollow.
For much of his life, being a Blue Shield had answered every
question.
Who he was.
Where he belonged.
What he was supposed to do.
Now other answers existed.
Father.
Partner.
A man expected to come home.
He had entered a different stage of his life without
noticing precisely
when the old one had ended.
Perhaps it had not ended.
Perhaps it had simply changed.
He did not yet know what that meant.
The Elder allowed him several moments of silence.
Then added:
"Besides..."
Zas looked up.
"...the report from Love Hospital states that your
shoulder requires
several more weeks of healing."
Zas' expression darkened.
"My shoulder is fine."
"The physician disagrees."
"The physician does not live in the mountains."
"The physician examined your shoulder."
"I can still use it."
"You were instructed not to lift anything heavy."
"I can lift a shovel."
"You were specifically told not to lift a shovel."
Zas paused.
The Elder raised an eyebrow.
"The report was unusually thorough."
Before Zas could respond, a voice came from the entrance.
"He's right."
Ravi stepped into the hall with one arm secured in a sling.
Behind him came Semin...
Moving carefully on crutches.
Zas stared at them.
Ravi smiled.
"The doctors know everything."
Semin nodded solemnly.
"They may be watching us now."
Zas looked around the hall.
"From where?"
Semin glanced toward the ceiling.
"I don't know."
"That's what makes them dangerous."
Rahim laughed.
Zas did not.
The Elder rose.
"The search party leaves in five minutes."
Rahim nodded and led the others toward the door.
As they departed, Zas watched them.
Part of him still wanted to follow.
To take his cloak.
Saddle Willow.
Convince himself that a damaged shoulder was merely
discomfort and that
other people could miss him after he returned.
He remained seated.
The Elder rested a hand briefly upon his good shoulder.
"This is not the end of your service."
Zas looked up.
"I know."
"You don't sound convinced."
"I'm thinking."
"That is usually dangerous."
A faint smile crossed the Elder's face.
Then he followed the search party outside.
Zas remained beside the fire.
Ravi lowered himself onto the bench beside him.
Semin attempted to do the same.
It took considerably longer.
When he finally settled, he released a tired breath.
"You know what you need?"
Zas looked between them.
"No."
"A dip in the lake."
Zas stared at Ravi.
"The lake is frozen."
Ravi nodded.
"Yes."
"You would have noticed that before suggesting
it."
"We were joking."
Semin leaned his crutches against the bench.
"Obviously."
Zas continued staring at them.
Neither man looked particularly convincing.
Ravi cleared his throat.
"We still think you should sit beside it."
"Why?"
"It's peaceful."
"I can sit here."
"The hall isn't peaceful."
A bowl fell somewhere near the kitchen.
Someone shouted at Azamat for taking the last piece of
bread.
Azamat insisted he had been protecting it.
Ravi gestured toward the commotion.
Zas sighed, then decided to leave for the lake.
A short time later...
The three men sat beside Daral Lake.
The frozen surface stretched toward the mountains.
Nobody spoke.
Nobody needed to.
For once...
There was nowhere Zasaramel needed to go.
He still did not know whether that felt peaceful...
...or frightening.
They did not find peace at the lake.
They found music.
It drifted across the frozen water before the three men
reached the shore.
A steady rhythm.
Warm.
Playful.
Accompanied by the sound of hands clapping and a small crowd
cheering from one of the sheltered hollows nearby.
Ravi smiled immediately.
"I know that drum."
Semin quickened his pace.
Or tried to.
His crutches sank several centimetres into the snow.
He stopped.
Pulled one free.
Then the other.
Zas watched him struggle.
"You appear eager."
"I am."
Semin planted the crutches more carefully.
"That does not mean the ground must punish me."
As they drew closer...
The musicians came into view.
Joven sat beside a small fire with a drum resting between
his knees.
He had once been a warrior.
A formidable one.
He remained strong enough to remind anyone who had known him
that retirement had been his choice rather than his body's demand.
Still...
Most people at Daral Lake no longer gathered to watch Joven
fight.
They gathered to hear him play.
His hands moved effortlessly across the drum.
The rhythm belonged entirely to him.
The attention did not.
That belonged to Ariel.
She danced at the centre of the hollow, moving with the
music as though her husband were following her rather than guiding her.
Bright fabric shifted around her body.
Small pieces of metal sewn into her clothing chimed with
every turn.
Her arms rose.
Her hips moved.
Her smile widened as the people surrounding the fire clapped
along.
Their four children completed the performance.
Three girls.
One boy.
The eldest girl followed Ariel's movements while the others
added smaller drums, clapping and occasional flourishes of their own.
They were not yet as polished as their parents.
One of the younger girls briefly lost the rhythm.
The boy struck his drum half a beat too early.
The eldest corrected a turn before anyone else appeared to
notice it had gone wrong.
They were improving.
Zas remembered the last time he had watched them.
Or...
He thought he did.
The children had been much smaller then.
The youngest girl had barely been able to keep time.
Now she recovered without looking toward either parent for
help.
Ravi raised his good arm.
"Ariel!"
Semin whistled loudly.
Several members of the crowd turned.
Ariel did not.
She already knew who had arrived.
Her smile became mischievous.
Ravi cheered again.
Semin joined him.
"Come closer!"
Ariel did.
Still moving with Joven's rhythm...
She danced away from the centre of the hollow.
Toward the three men.
Ravi leaned forward eagerly.
Ariel came within reach...
Then stopped.
She turned.
Looked back over her shoulder...
...and blew him a kiss.
Ravi pressed a hand against his chest.
"I felt that."
"You feel everything," Zas said.
Ariel circled them.
Semin continued clapping, balancing awkwardly against one
crutch.
Unlike Ravi...
He did not lean toward her.
He merely grinned as she passed.
Ariel suddenly stopped in front of him.
She placed one hand beneath his chin...
Leaned forward...
...and kissed him on the forehead.
The hollow erupted.
Semin froze.
His mouth fell open.
Ravi stared at him in disbelief.
Even Zas raised an eyebrow.
Ariel spun away before either man could respond.
She returned to the centre of the hollow as Joven increased
the tempo.
The children followed.
Mostly.
The boy fell behind again.
Joven glanced toward him.
Tapped the correct rhythm more loudly.
The boy found it.
Zas settled onto a bench near the fire.
Ravi sat beside him.
Semin remained standing for several moments.
Still stunned.
Finally...
He lowered himself onto the other side.
His grin had not faded.
Zas watched the performance.
He had always enjoyed Ariel's dancing.
Everyone did.
She made each performance feel spontaneous...
Even when Zas knew she had practised every movement until it
became instinct.
He enjoyed Joven's playing as well.
There was discipline beneath the joy.
Precision beneath the noise.
Joven had merely traded one craft for another.
The children still needed work.
That was all right.
They were learning.
More importantly...
They were performing together.
A family offering something to the tribe that only they
could offer.
Zas looked around the hollow.
He recognized everyone watching.
Hunters.
Craftsmen.
Warriors between patrols.
Children who tried imitating Ariel's movements whenever they
thought nobody was looking.
This was also Daral Lake.
Not merely the council hall.
Not merely the patrol routes.
Not merely the mountains beyond the settlement where someone
was always lost...
Threatened...
Or waiting to be rescued.
For years, Zas had measured his service through absence.
How far he travelled.
How long he remained away.
How many dangers he accepted so others did not have to.
He had protected this.
Yet...
He had rarely allowed himself to enjoy it.
The realization did not remove the ache that remained from
watching Rahim's party leave without him.
He still wanted to be on the mountain.
He still believed he could have helped.
Perhaps he should have been there.
Still...
As Ariel danced...
Joven played...
...and their children tried very hard to keep up...
Zas felt something else.
Not contentment.
Not entirely.
Something smaller.
A reminder that remaining at Daral Lake did not mean he had
been left with nothing.
Joven struck the final beat.
Ariel stopped with both arms extended.
The children managed to stop with her.
Almost.
The youngest girl clapped once after everyone else.
She immediately covered her mouth.
The crowd laughed.
Then applauded.
Ravi and Semin were the loudest.
Semin attempted another whistle.
It came out strangely.
Ravi looked toward him.
"What happened?"
"My lips are cold."
"Your forehead appears warm."
Semin touched the spot Ariel had kissed.
"It is."
Zas stood as Ariel and Joven approached them.
Their children remained near the instruments, quietly
arguing over who had missed the final beat.
Joven embraced Ravi carefully around the sling.
Then clasped Semin's shoulder.
Finally...
He turned toward Zas.
"It has been a long time."
Zas nodded.
"Yes."
Joven studied him.
"When did you last watch us perform?"
Zas opened his mouth.
No answer came.
He looked toward Ariel.
Then toward the children.
He tried to remember.
There had been a summer gathering.
Years earlier.
Or perhaps it had been the harvest celebration before that.
The eldest girl had been small enough to sit beside Joven
while he played.
The boy might not have been performing yet.
Zas could not place it.
"I don't know."
Joven's expression softened.
"Neither do I."
Zas looked away.
The admission carried more weight than Joven intended.
Or perhaps exactly as much as he intended.
"I should."
Ariel stepped closer.
"Should what?"
"I should remember."
"Why?"
"Because you are part of this tribe."
"So are the northern passes."
Zas looked at her.
Ariel smiled gently.
"You spent many years making certain the rest of us
could dance beside this lake."
"That does not mean I should have missed so much of
it."
"No."
She agreed without judgment.
"It doesn't."
Zas lowered his eyes.
"I am sorry."
Ariel wrapped her arms around him.
Zas hesitated.
His injured shoulder remained tender.
Ariel seemed to notice.
She adjusted her embrace...
Then held him.
A beat longer than he expected.
Long enough for the apology to pass without requiring
another word.
When she finally pulled away, one hand remained against his
arm.
"You have nothing to apologize for."
Zas met her eyes.
Ariel smiled again.
"I'm glad you can be here today."
Zas nodded.
"So am I."
The words surprised him slightly.
They were true.
Behind them...
Ravi cleared his throat.
"I have a question."
Ariel turned.
Ravi pointed toward Semin.
"What was that?"
Semin attempted to appear unaffected.
He failed.
Ariel glanced toward his crutches.
"I saw him standing there injured."
She shrugged.
"I couldn't leave him hanging."
Semin smiled proudly.
Ravi slowly raised his arm within the sling.
"…and this?"
Ariel looked at it.
Then at him.
"You were too eager."
Joven laughed.
So did Semin.
Ravi stared at Ariel.
"I was showing appreciation."
"You were leaning so far forward that I thought you
might fall into me."
"My balance has been affected by my injury."
"Your shoulder injury?"
"Everything is connected."
Ariel nodded thoughtfully.
"Then perhaps you should rest."
Semin laughed harder.
One crutch slipped.
Joven caught him before he fell.
Ravi pointed immediately.
"He leaned."
"He almost collapsed," Ariel said.
"Now you're rewarding weakness."
Semin steadied himself.
"You could learn something."
Zas sat again.
The pain in his shoulder remained.
So did the unease.
Rahim and the others were still somewhere in the mountains.
Searching through unstable snow.
Doing work that Zas believed should have included him.
None of that had disappeared.
It had merely been joined by something else.
Music.
Laughter.
A familiar dancer's embrace.
A retired warrior who had found another way to serve his
people.
Joven glanced toward the instruments.
"We'll perform again in a few minutes."
Ariel looked between the three men.
"Will you stay?"
Ravi answered immediately.
"Yes."
Semin nodded.
"I may never leave."
Ariel looked toward Zas.
He glanced across the frozen lake.
For once...
There was nowhere he needed to go.
"Yes."
Zas settled more comfortably on the bench.
"We'll stay."
The Stego Burgers near the Manaus airport was crowded.
Travellers filled the tables.
Suitcases filled everything else.
Above them, a screen displayed the evening's departures.
Armintie was focused on a different screen.
"There."
She pushed her phone toward Sarah.
The photograph showed Armintie standing at the Manaus
Dinosaur Sanctuary...
With a brontosaurus' head looming behind her.
Sarah stared.
"How did you get that close?"
"It came to me."
Phoebe dipped a fry into her ketchup.
"It came for the leaves."
"It looked at me."
"It looked through you."
Armintie took back her phone.
"It still counts."
Joanna smiled.
Armintie had been lucky.
The brontosaurus had lowered its head beside the viewing
platform at precisely the right moment.
Armintie froze.
Joanna took the picture.
Phoebe moved several steps away.
Not because she was afraid...
According to Phoebe.
She had simply wanted to give the animal room.
A great deal of room.
"I'm showing everyone at school," Armintie said.
"You've already shown everyone here," Phoebe
replied.
"They don't go to our school."
"You showed the hotel receptionist."
"She asked whether we enjoyed Manaus."
Sarah laughed.
"You have a good story."
Armintie smiled proudly.
Phoebe ate another fry.
"I was there too."
"Did you get a picture?"
"I didn't need one."
"Then nobody will believe you."
"They'll believe I went to a dinosaur sanctuary."
"Not if you don't have evidence."
Phoebe looked toward Joanna.
"Tell her."
Joanna stole one of Phoebe's fries.
"She's right."
Phoebe stared at the empty space on her plate.
"You're becoming more like Dad."
Joanna ate the fry.
"Thank you."
"It wasn't a compliment."
Sarah laughed again.
It was a good dinner.
The girls argued.
Sarah encouraged them.
Joanna listened.
Her ankle rested beneath the table, secured inside a brace.
It was healing...
Just not quickly enough.
She would remain on tour with Combat Arts.
She could travel.
Appear backstage.
Accompany the Total Babes if needed.
She simply could not take any bumps until the doctors
cleared her.
Phoebe and Armintie would not remain with her.
School was beginning.
They had to return to Cleveland.
That was why Sarah had flown to Manaus.
That was why their luggage was already packed.
That was why the four of them were eating near the airport.
Joanna had known this day would come.
Until tonight...
It had never felt particularly real.
She looked toward the departure screen.
CLEVELAND.
ON TIME.
Armintie was still discussing her photograph.
"I might print it."
"Fine," Phoebe said.
"Large."
"No."
"It'll go on my side of the room."
"The dinosaur's head is larger than our room."
"It's not a dinosaur."
Phoebe stared at her.
Armintie smiled.
"It's a brontosaurus."
Phoebe threw a napkin at her.
Joanna laughed.
The tour had been good for them.
Not because every day had been exciting.
Most days weren't.
There were airports.
Hotels.
Long drives.
Meals at strange hours.
Entire afternoons spent waiting backstage.
They had simply been together.
Somewhere along the way...
It had begun feeling normal.
Joanna looked at the girls.
Tomorrow, they would be home with Fido.
Soon, they would return to school.
Combat Arts would move on without them.
Sarah noticed Joanna watching.
"You alright?"
Joanna looked down at her food.
"Yeah."
Phoebe frowned.
"Is it your ankle?"
"No."
Armintie tilted her head.
"You look sad."
Joanna tried to smile.
She did not do it very well.
"I am."
The girls became quiet.
Joanna glanced toward the departure screen again.
"I knew you had to go home."
"We'll call," Phoebe said.
"I know."
"Every day."
"You don't have to call every day."
Phoebe looked confused.
"Why not?"
Joanna laughed softly.
"You have school."
"So?"
"You'll have your own lives."
Phoebe reached across the table and took Joanna's hand.
"You are part of our lives."
Joanna blinked.
"Yeah."
Her voice caught.
"I know."
Armintie placed her phone on the table.
"We'll be there when you come home."
Joanna looked toward her.
Armintie shrugged.
"Whenever that is."
Sarah remained quiet.
She had been here before.
Different cities.
Different airports.
The same departure boards.
Joanna had always understood why Sarah retired from
wrestling.
She had children.
A husband.
A home.
At least...
Joanna had thought she understood.
Now she looked at Phoebe and Armintie...
...and realized what leaving actually meant.
She would miss school mornings.
Homework.
Arguments.
Bad days.
Ordinary days.
Small moments nobody would remember to mention during a
telephone call.
Sarah met her eyes.
"You get it now."
Joanna nodded.
"Yeah."
Phoebe looked between them.
"Get what?"
Joanna continued looking at Sarah.
"Why she retired."
Sarah smiled faintly.
Joanna lowered her eyes.
"I thought you chose your family over wrestling."
"I did."
"I know."
Joanna paused.
"I just didn't understand what the choice felt
like."
Sarah looked toward the girls.
"Sometimes it didn't feel like a choice."
Joanna understood.
She still wanted to be on tour.
She still wanted to wrestle.
She still wanted to see what happened with the Total Babes.
None of that had changed.
...but when Sarah and the girls boarded their flight...
The place Joanna most wanted to be would leave without her.
Armintie pushed her phone across the table.
The brontosaurus filled the screen.
"I'll send you the picture."
"You already did."
"I'll send it again."
"Why?"
"So you remember us."
Phoebe looked at her.
"We've only been gone for three minutes in this
scenario."
"I meant the trip."
Joanna smiled.
"I won't forget."
She reached across the table and pulled Armintie toward her.
The hug was awkward.
Phoebe stood.
"Move."
"There isn't room," Armintie said.
"Make room."
Phoebe squeezed beside her anyway.
Joanna wrapped an arm around each girl.
Sarah watched from across the table.
Her eyes were wet too.
For several moments...
Nobody spoke.
Then Armintie looked toward her food.
"My burger's getting cold."
Phoebe held Joanna tighter.
"You can get another one."
"I don't want another one."
"Then stop complaining."
"I'm not complaining."
Joanna laughed.
The embrace loosened.
Nobody moved far.
For the rest of the dinner...
Joanna stopped trying to hide how she felt.
She listened to every story.
Allowed Armintie to show the brontosaurus picture again.
...and stole another one of Phoebe's fries.
When their flight was finally called...
The four of them remained at the table.
One more minute.
Then another.
Sarah eventually glanced toward the departure screen.
"We should go."
Joanna nodded.
She knew Sarah was right.
That did not make standing any easier.
Joanna waited until she returned to her hotel room before
calling Zas.
She sat on the edge of the bed.
Took several slow breaths.
Wiped beneath her eyes...
Then opened the video call.
Zas answered a few moments later.
He was sitting inside his home at Daral Lake.
"Hello."
"Hey."
He studied her face.
"You have been crying."
Joanna sighed.
"I thought I'd hidden it."
"You did not."
"Good to know."
Zas said nothing.
He merely waited.
Joanna appreciated that.
"How are you?" she asked.
Zas leaned back slightly.
"There is a new patrol operation."
Joanna's expression changed.
"Are you going?"
"No."
The answer came too quickly.
"The Elder selected another party."
"Oh."
Zas looked away from the screen.
"I understand his reasoning."
"My shoulder is still healing."
"Ravi and Semin remain injured."
"...and I have only recently returned from
Aetheria."
Joanna nodded.
"But it still hurts."
"Yes."
He did not attempt to deny it.
"For most of my life, the question was never whether I
would go."
"It was whether I would lead."
"Now I watched the others leave without me."
Joanna shifted against the bed.
"You will go out again."
"I know."
"You don't sound like you know."
Zas looked back at her.
Joanna smiled faintly.
"I think you needed a break."
"I did not ask for one."
"People who need breaks usually don't."
Zas considered that.
"The Elder said something similar."
"See?"
Joanna adjusted the phone.
"I'm already thinking like an Elder."
"You steal food from children."
"He does that too."
"Yes."
"Then I'm almost qualified."
A faint smile appeared on Zas's face.
Joanna relaxed slightly.
"What have you been doing instead?"
Zas thought.
"I watched Ariel dance."
Joanna smiled.
"You make that sound like work."
"It was not."
"Did Joven play?"
"Yes."
"Their children performed with them."
"They are improving."
"That sounded almost complimentary."
"It was complimentary."
"Almost."
Zas ignored her.
"Ravi and Semin enjoyed the performance loudly."
"I can imagine."
"Ariel blew Ravi a kiss."
"Only blew one?"
"He was too eager."
Joanna laughed.
"What did Semin get?"
"A kiss on his forehead."
Her eyebrows rose.
"Why?"
"He had crutches."
"So an injury gets you special treatment."
"Apparently."
Joanna glanced down toward her braced ankle.
"I've been wasting this thing."
Zas stared at her.
"Do not attempt to exploit your injury for kisses from
Ariel."
"I wasn't planning to."
"You appeared to be considering it."
"I was considering my options."
Zas shook his head.
Joanna smiled.
"What else?"
"I took an afternoon nap."
She blinked.
"You?"
"Yes."
"Voluntarily?"
"I was tired."
"Did anyone check whether you were alive?"
"Azamat did."
"Of course he did."
"He woke me."
"Of course he did."
Zas settled more comfortably in his chair.
"I have also spoken with several people in the
village."
"You speak with them all the time."
"Not during patrol."
Joanna understood.
Zas continued.
"I spoke with a farmer about the coming thaw."
"One of the craftsmen asked whether I could repair part
of his roof."
"I told him I could not lift anything heavy."
"Did that hurt more than missing the patrol?"
"Almost."
Joanna laughed softly.
"It has been..."
Zas searched for the word.
"...pleasant."
"Being home?"
"Parts of it."
He glanced away.
"I have missed more than I realized."
"Ariel's dancing."
"Joven's music."
"Conversations that accomplish nothing."
"Afternoon naps."
Joanna smiled.
"Those accomplish something."
"I woke less tired."
"Exactly."
Zas nodded.
The rejection had not stopped hurting.
Joanna could see that.
Still...
For the first time since he had returned from Aetheria, he
was allowing himself to live at Daral Lake rather than merely recover there.
"You'll go back out one day," she said.
"Perhaps."
"No perhaps."
"You will."
"When your shoulder's ready."
"When the Elder thinks you're ready."
Zas frowned.
"The Elder is enjoying this too much."
"Probably."
Joanna leaned closer to the screen.
"But this doesn't mean he thinks you aren't
capable."
"It means he thinks you needed time."
Zas remained quiet.
Then nodded.
"I can accept that."
"Good."
"For now."
Joanna smiled.
"I'll take it."
Zas studied her again.
"How was your day?"
Joanna looked toward the empty side of the room.
"It was good."
"We went to the dinosaur sanctuary."
"Armintie got a selfie with a brontosaurus."
Zas raised an eyebrow.
"I took it."
"The brontosaurus lowered its head beside the
platform."
"Phoebe insists she moved away to give it room."
"She was frightened."
"Very."
Joanna laughed.
"Armintie's going to show the picture to everyone at
school."
"That will take several days."
"She already started in Manaus."
Zas nodded knowingly.
"What else did you see?"
"Two triceratops fighting."
"One of the guides said it was territorial."
"They rammed into each other so hard I felt it through
the ground."
"That is common."
"You say that like you've watched triceratops fight
before."
"I have."
Joanna stared at him.
"Of course you have."
"We also watched a T-Rex chase a diplodocus."
"Did it catch it?"
"No."
"The diplodocus got into the water."
Zas nodded.
"Wise."
"I didn't realize T-Rexes could run that fast."
"They are very fast."
"You knew?"
"Yes."
"How?"
Zas looked confused by the question.
"I have encountered them."
Joanna stared at him.
"You've encountered a T-Rex?"
"More than one."
"And you never thought to tell me?"
"It had not come up."
Joanna opened her mouth.
Closed it.
Then pointed toward the screen.
"We are returning to this conversation."
"If you wish."
"I absolutely wish."
Zas nodded calmly.
Joanna smiled...
Then looked away.
The silence changed.
Zas noticed.
"Did Phoebe and Armintie enjoy the sanctuary?"
"Yeah."
"They loved it."
"We had dinner with Sarah afterward."
"Stego Burgers."
"Armintie showed Sarah the picture."
"Phoebe pretended she wasn't jealous."
"They argued."
"I stole Phoebe's fries."
Zas nodded approvingly.
"Good."
Joanna laughed.
It faded quickly.
"Their flight left a little while ago."
Zas's expression softened.
Joanna looked around the hotel room.
The girls' bags were gone.
So were the jackets they had thrown across the chair.
The charging cables beside the other bed.
Armintie's shoes in the middle of the floor.
Phoebe's careful arrangement of everything Armintie would
otherwise forget.
The room was quiet.
"I knew this was coming," Joanna said.
"Since Guayaquil."
"We always knew Manaus was where they'd go home."
Zas waited.
"That didn't make it any easier."
"No."
Joanna pressed her lips together.
"We had the teary goodbye."
"All four of us."
"Even Sarah."
"Then they went through security..."
She looked down.
"...and I came back here."
Zas remained silent.
"I miss them already."
Her voice wavered.
"I don't know how I'm supposed to get used to
this."
"The room feels wrong without them."
"Tomorrow I'll go to the arena."
"Then we'll travel to the next city."
"I'll keep touring..."
She swallowed.
"...and they'll start school without me."
Zas lowered his eyes.
"Separation is difficult."
"I know."
"I just..."
Joanna wiped beneath one eye.
"I got used to being their mother every day."
"Not through a call."
"Not through messages."
"I was there."
Zas looked back at her.
"You remain their mother."
"I know."
"...but it isn't the same."
"No."
The answer surprised her.
Zas had once spoken about separation as though it were
something a strong person simply endured.
Distance hurt.
Therefore...
One endured it.
Now he looked toward the darkened window beside him.
"Perhaps I did not understand how difficult it
was."
Joanna said nothing.
"When Phoebe and Armintie left Daral Lake..."
He paused.
"I believed the pain belonged mainly to me."
"I lost my daughters."
"I saw less clearly what they lost."
"...or what you would lose after becoming their
mother."
His gaze returned to the screen.
"I understand more now."
Joanna blinked back fresh tears.
"I don't want this to become normal."
"It may not."
"That's not reassuring."
Zas considered his answer.
"You will learn how to live through the days between
seeing them."
"That does not mean you must stop missing them."
Joanna nodded slowly.
Zas continued.
"They will call."
"They will tell you about school."
"Phoebe will complain that Armintie's picture is too
large."
"It will be too large."
"Yes."
"You will hear about things that seem
unimportant."
"They will be important because they happened to
them."
Joanna smiled faintly.
"...and eventually..."
Zas leaned closer to the screen.
"...you will see them again."
Joanna looked at him.
"You know that?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"Because they are your daughters."
"Because you are their mother."
"...and because no distance has yet prevented this
family from finding one another."
Joanna's eyes filled again.
This time...
She did not look away.
Zas continued quietly.
"You will see them again."
"So will I."
Joanna nodded.
"Yeah."
She wiped her cheek.
"We will."
For a few moments...
Neither of them spoke.
Half a world away...
Zas remained beside her.
It was not the same as being together.
It did not need to be.
Tonight...
It was enough.